Another Second, Another Story
by 3AM
Summary: An always inprogress collection of Naruto Omakes. Going for quality, not quantity here.
1. Flexing my Writing Wings

"Teme, I'm bringing you back one way or another."

"Not a chance, loser. Thanks to the snake's training you aren't a match for me."

"Then I'll drive you so crazy you'll be begging to come back with me!"

"Dobe, do you really think that any form of psychological torture could work on one trained by Orochimaru?"

"Then take this: **Ultimate Genjustu Technique: **_**The Seven Rings of the Banannaphone**_"

**20 minutes later**

"Arrrgh! Stop! Stop! God damnit; STOP IT!!! Make it stop! I can't take this horrible song anymore!!!"

"…Wow, for some reason I thought that would take longer… Kurenai-Sensei _did_ say that it was the only double § class illusion ever created, but it never bothered _me_."

And so our blonde hero went on his way back to Konoha, dragging a manically twitching Uchiha. All the while, happily whistling a tune that seemed to bother said Emo. Naruto just couldn't understand why though.


	2. Pocky

A/N When inspiration strikes, I start writing. Can't say for sure when I'll add another chapter, but I do have a working idea for chapter three, just need some inspiration.

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Kohona, the Uchiha Compound, one day before The Uchiha Massacre:

4:30 pm.

Itachi preformed a silent shunshin and arrived in front of his home, having reached the end of his ANBU patrol. He entered through the front door and removed his mask and exterior robe. He placed his ANBU katana on the weapons rack next to his wakizashi. He then proceeded to his room with three boxes of pocky, a gallon of milk, and a rather graphic romance novel.

5:20 pm.

Uchiha Fugaku entered the room of his eldest son. The room was in poor condition to say the least.

"Itachi!" Fugaku said.

"Hai?" a voice said. A pile of empty pocky containers shifted accordingly.

"Itachi," Fugaku began, "I am glad to have found you in this condition… This will make this easier. You have an addiction. This is a problem" Uchiha-Sama decided to be blunt.

"Hn?" a face and upper body became visible under the mess. Said face was covered in pocky residue.

"I respect you to an extent, you have proven yourself to uphold the name of Uchiha proudly. However recently, some of your foibles have come to my attention."

"What are you demanding Otousama?"

"Give up pocky or I will disown you and remove you from the compound."

Itachi called the bluff, "you can't afford to do that, your political standing rests with my talent."

A shunshin later, Fugaku was alone.

He was not amused, "…damn!"

The next day:

4:30 pm.

Itachi preformed a silent shunshin and arrived in front of his home, having reached the end of his ANBU patrol. All he expected was to enjoy a quiet evening in his home. He entered through the front door and removed his mask and exterior robe. He entered the kitchen and opened the cabinet. No pocky. He moved to the pantry. No pocky. He tried the cellar, the clan storehouse, and the homes of multiple clansmen. Not a single box of pocky. He tried several large markets and several family owned grocers. No pocky.

5:20 pm

Itachi shunshined to his room and looked under his bed. No pocky… Unless... Of course! Several hand signs later, first a seal and then a secret compartment appeared in the floor where his bed was. He opened the compartment. Many boxes of pocky. That were all empty! Itachi could not believe it.

"I'm sorry…" A voice from behind!

"…It seems that the Council of Kohona had passed a temporary ban on pocky." Fugaku said smugly. He was right to be smug; he had cashed in almost all of his favors to ensure his son's 'recovery'.

"…Return my pocky or I will kill you." Itachi said _very _calmly as his eyes flashed red.

"No. It's for your own good, as well as the good of the clan." Fugaku replied, ignoring his son's empty threat.

"I mean it." Itachi said seriously.

Fugaku turned on his heel and took a step. His mind registered a large amount of pain as the wakizashi entered his back through the left kidney and emerged, saturated with his blood and dripping, through his front. Uchiha Fugaku did not feel any pain, however, as the wakizashi swiftly moved through his body in an upward arc, severing his spine before exiting where his neck met his right shoulder. Uchiha Fugaku did not feel any physical pain, no, but as he slowly collapsed, dieing, he thought with much embarrassment, what reactions would occur when people found out _exactly_ why he would not be reporting to work at the military police HQ tomorrow.

He needed have been concerned; he wouldn't be the only one.


	3. In Life's Name and For Life's Sake

Disclaimer: Diane Duane owns the Young Wizards Series & a man who can't manage proper characterization owns Naruto.

Setting: Chunin Exam Finals... Naruto vs Neji Events till now: Cannon...ish

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~3AM

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As Neji continued to beat the crap out of Naruto, the shadow clone hiding underground began to softly read aloud from a scroll.

This wasn't a summoning scroll, or a scroll containing forbidden techniques. As far as any ninja, from a genin to a kage would ever know, the scroll was a simple (even poorly written) fable, a childs story really. But to Naruto the scroll was something more. Something known as a manual.

The words the clone was reading now began to prickle with hidden energy, though all that the proctor could hear was a faint chanting in a foreign tongue, as the sounds of battle became muted, as if inconsequential in contrast to the importance of what was being said.

But if you weren't a ninja, if you were something else entirely, then it might have sounded something like this:

"This is a tertiary class temporal intervention, bound to sentient target Hyuga, Neji. I am calling for the degridation of localized chronological progression by a factor of .0000025 in radius +/- 1 meter of bound target from julian date XXXXXX.X2432-XXXXXX.X2447, to facilitate additional physical intervention. Supplemental energy required to ofset localized entropy is to be paid with the life energy of the caster. Parameters have been established. Knot!"

The clone promptly poofed out of existence and to the amazement of all gathered, neji just stopped. No... that wasn't quite right. His arm was still moving, if imperceptibly so, as it continued on at a snail's pace to complete its trajectory. Well really none of his body had stopped at all, he was simply moving so slowly that the only indication that he was moving was due to the normally quick speed of his strikes.

Naruto walked up to Neji and swiftly slashed Neji across the throat with a kunai. Six seconds later Neji began moving at normal speed and quickly began bleeding out.

As the match was declared in his favor, Naruto thought to himself, "Well now that I know my clones are granted the same access to the Art I guess that means I can spam some ridiculously powerful spells and power them with life sacrifice. What a fun loophole."

Yes it was a good day.

Once again Naruto was grateful that he had taken the scroll entitled "So You Want to be a More Powerful Ninja" for light reading along with the forbidden scroll when he had raided Hruizen's office.


End file.
